My Friend Leonard Read online

  Snapper speaks.

  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

  Leonard speaks.

  I should have done that with you. Paid some motherfucker to bring you a Big Mac.

  I laugh.

  It’s not funny. You’re too thin. You look sick. We’re going to fatten you up while we’re here.

  I smile.

  Okay.

  When we get where we’re going, I’m going to order you some bacon. A big plate of nothing but bacon.

  Okay.

  And then we’ll get a big lunch.

  Okay.

  And then we’ll get a big dinner. A huge fucking dinner. Steaks, spinach, cake, all kinds of tasty shit.

  I laugh.

  And you can bring your friends. However many you want. Everybody’s welcome.

  Laugh again.

  It’s good to see you laughing, my Son. It’s good to see that. I’d be very scared if I couldn’t make you laugh.

  No reason to be scared, Leonard.

  You just had a fucking bomb dropped on you. You seem okay, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.

  I’m fine, Leonard.

  You keep saying that to yourself and eventually you will be fine, but don’t try to lie to me about it now. I know you’re not fine, and you shouldn’t expect to be, and that’s okay.

  I look at him.

  It’s okay to be fucked-up, James.

  And it all comes back. I look down, bite my lip, try to stop myself from crying.

  It’s okay.

  I nod, try to hold back the tears. I turn away from Leonard, look out the window, he leaves me to myself. I try to hold back the tears, but I can’t. We drive south toward the city. The lake is frozen. I stare out the window, the tears run down my cheeks.

  We reach a sweeping turn in the drive there is frozen beach on our left, we take a right into a mass of steel and stone and glass. We start to drive down Michigan Avenue, skyscrapers line both sides of the street. The sidewalks are crowded, people bundled and warm, nobody here is bothered by the cold. The Hancock lies ahead of us, grows larger as we approach, wide and strong a majestic tower of black steel, I try to follow it with my eyes it stretches beyond my line of sight. I look straight up. It rises higher.

  We take a right off the avenue, Snapper pulls up in front of an elegant entrance with a red carpet and a black canopy. He stops the car, two uniformed bellmen open the side doors, a valet rushes to the driver’s door. Leonard and I get out of the car. Snapper waves off the valet and pulls away. I ask Leonard where he’s going and Leonard says that he’s parking the car. I ask why he doesn’t let valet do it, he says it is safer that way, nobody can access the car if the Snapper parks it. I sometimes forget who Leonard is and what he does for a living. Snapper parks the car.

  We walk under the canopy, doors are held open for us. We enter a small oak lobby. We stand in front of an elevator and we wait for it, when it arrives we step inside. It is also oak, its carpet thick and deep, blood red. It is as nice an elevator as I have ever seen. Its control panel only has one button. Leonard pushes it and up we go very quickly my ears pop.

  We stop. The doors silently slide open. We step into another lobby this one huge with soaring ceilings, expensive furniture, a subtle reception counter, three well-dressed concierges. We walk through the lobby toward a restaurant on the far side, it sits in front of a huge bank of windows with a view of the city and the lake.

  We stop at the hostess stand. Leonard says hello, the hostess smiles and asks if he would like his usual table. He says of course, Madam, and there is no need for you to escort us. She laughs and we walk to a table for four near the windows. We sit down. A waitress comes she says hello to Leonard she seems to know him too. She offers him a menu and he says no thank you, I already know what we would like. She says okay and he orders a plate of bacon, a big plate of nothing but bacon. He orders a plate of sausage, a big plate of nothing but sausage. He orders blueberry pancakes, Belgian waffles, scrambled eggs, fried eggs. He orders a pot of coffee and a pitcher of water and three glasses of milk. He orders three omelettes, one with cheese, one with steak, one with spinach and tomatoes, and he orders corned-beef hash and hash browns and roasted potatoes and four types of toast. The waitress is laughing and so am I and Leonard looks at the ceiling and starts scratching his chin. He asks himself if he forgot anything and he thinks for a moment and he says ha, I did forget a couple of things. He orders a basket of scones and a basket of muffins. The waitress asks if that is all and he says yes, for now. She laughs again and she walks away.

  The Snapper joins us. He sits next to Leonard, across from me. Leonard looks at him and the Snapper nods. Leonard turns to me, speaks.

  Time to talk.

  Something wrong?

  I’m not sure, that’s why we need to talk.

  Okay.

  Leonard looks in my eyes.

  You drinking?

  I shake my head.

  No.

  You doing drugs?

  No.

  After what’s happened, I’ll understand if you are.

  I’m not.

  And I’d rather have you be using, than have you lie to me.

  I’m not lying to you, Leonard.

  You sure?

  Yeah.

  Leonard looks at Snapper. Snapper reaches into one of the side-pockets of his trenchcoat and draws out my bottle of rose. He sets it in the middle of the table. Leonard looks back at me.

  Care to explain?

  I laugh.

  It’s not funny.

  First you break into my place, and now you’re stealing shit from it.

  Yeah.

  I shake my head.

  That’s fucked up, Leonard.

  Why do you have it?

  Because I’ve been thinking about it. I keep it on hand in case I decide I want it.

  You don’t want it.

  We’ll see.

  Trust me, you don’t want it.

  We’ll see.

  No, we won’t see. Drinking is not an option for you.

  That’s for me to decide, Leonard.

  You want to die?

  No.

  That’s what’ll happen if you start again.

  I know.

  Do you think that’s what she would want for you?

  I haven’t thought about it.

  Maybe you should.

  Maybe you should leave it alone.

  She wouldn’t want you drinking.

  Shut the fuck up, Leonard.

  She couldn’t do it, but you know she’d want you to.

  Shut the fuck up, Leonard.

  Didn’t she used to say that a second of freedom is worth more than a lifetime of bondage?

  Yeah, she did. Now change the fucking subject.

  She wasn’t strong enough, James. She couldn’t do it over the long term.

  Shut the fuck up, Leonard.

  But you can, and she would want you to, and you should remember that.

  Fuck you, Leonard.

  I reach out, take the bottle, set it on the floor next to my chair.

  I appreciate the sentiment, and I’m not going to fucking talk about it anymore.

  The food arrives. We eat in silence. The bacon is hot and crispy, the sausage thick and juicy, the pancakes with syrup sweet. I drink one two three cups of coffee. I look at my food or out the window, I do not look at Leonard or Snapper. The bottle is at my feet. The decision is mine.

  I hear Leonard set down his fork and his knife, take a deep breath, let out a long sigh. He speaks.

  James.

  I look up.

  Yeah?

  You promise me two things and I won’t bring that shit up again.

  What?

  Promise me you didn’t spend the money I gave you on drugs or liquor.

  I didn’t.

  And promise me if you do decide to drink, you’ll call me and talk to me before you do it.

  I can promise you that.

  Leon
ard turns to Snapper.

  You heard him, right?

  Snapper nods.

  Yes, I did.

  Leonard turns to me.

  You’re going to have to deal with Snap if you break the promises.

  I laugh.

  Fine.

  You laughed. That’s good. I came here to have some fucking fun, and I want you laughing, and I want you having fun. It’ll help.

  I nod.

  I know.

  I want you to stay in the hotel with us tonight. I got you a room right next to our rooms.

  You didn’t need to do that.

  I know I didn’t need to, but I wanted to, and I already did. And feel free to take whatever you want from the mini-bar. The chips are tasty and the cola is cold.

  I laugh again. Leonard keeps talking and we eat. We finish eating and we stand and Leonard leaves a hundred-dollar bill on the table and we walk to a bank of elevators in the lobby. We step inside Leonard hands me a key. The doors close and we move up quickly and silently. The doors open and we step out the hall is quiet and the walls are perfectly painted the lights dim the carpet thick. We walk to the end of the hall there are three rooms in a line. Leonard speaks.

  You want to go down to the pool?

  I speak.

  I’m going to take a nap.

  Take a nap? It’s not even ten o’clock.

  I’m tired.

  Leonard looks at Snapper.

  He’s tired.

  Snapper speaks.

  So what, let him sleep.

  Leonard looks at me.

  How long you want to sleep for?

  An hour or so.

  We’ll come get you in an hour. We’ll go down to the pool, do some swimming, maybe some Jacuzzi.

  Okay.

  Leonard points to a door.

  That’s your room. I’m in the middle. Snap’s over there.

  I walk to my door, open it.

  See you in a while.

  I step inside, close the door, walk down a short hall. I pass a large bathroom and I walk into a large open room. There are three large windows across one wall I can see the skyline I can see the lake it is still frozen. There is a large oak cabinet against another wall. I walk to it and I open it. There is a large television sitting on a shelf in the upper half, a mini-bar is built into the lower half. Sitting against the third wall is a giant bed. There are nightstands on both sides of the bed, there are phones on both of them. I walk to the bed and I pull the sheets down they are white and clean and soft, I kick off my boots and I sit down on the bed and I take off my socks. I climb under the covers, put my head on a pillow, close my eyes, clutch myself clutch myself.

  The bed is soft and warm.

  I think about Lilly.

  Miss her.

  Hate that I am here without her.

  She would have loved this place.

  This room.

  This bed.

  This comfort.

  This warmth.

  She never knew anything like this.

  Never knew, never got the chance, never had a chance.

  I wish she were here.

  Would give whatever, everything.

  For five minutes.

  One smile.

  One laugh.

  One kiss.

  Just one.

  Alone.

  I clutch myself.

  Sleep.

  Knock. I open my eyes. Another knock. I sit up, get out of my bed, walk toward the door another knock. I open the door. Leonard and Snapper are standing in the hall. Both of them are wearing thick white bathrobes.

  Leonard is holding a small box. He speaks.

  Time for the pool.

  He hands me the box, steps past me. Snapper follows him.

  Go put that on. We’ll wait for you.

  They walk into the room, I walk into the bathroom. I close the door, open the box. I take out a small bathing suit. It is a bikini bathing suit, small and thin with black and white stripes. I open the door, walk into the room. Leonard and Snapper are looking out the window, have their backs to me.

  Leonard.

  They turn around. I hold up the suit.

  What the fuck is this?

  Leonard smiles.

  Your bathing suit.

  I’m not wearing this.

  Why not?

  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

  What’s wrong with it?

  It’s a fucking bikini bottom, Leonard.

  He laughs.

  Not it’s not, it’s a Speedo, it’s a fine swimsuit.

  What are you wearing?

  He smiles, opens his robe. He’s wearing the same suit.

  What’s Snapper wearing?

  Snapper opens his robe. He’s wearing the same suit. I laugh, shake my head.

  No way, Leonard. I’m not wearing it.

  Competitive swimmers wear them.

  I’m not a competitive swimmer.

  Europeans wear them.

  I’m not European.

  Motherfuckers with style wear them.

  I’m not a motherfucker with style.

  He looks at Snapper.

  He doesn’t want to wear it, Snap.

  I heard him.

  What do you think about that?

  He ain’t a swimmer and he ain’t European and he ain’t got no style. Why should he wear it?

  Leonard turns to me.

  Let’s go. And bring your robe.

  Where we going?

  Snap and me are going to the pool. You’re going to the gift shop to find another suit, then you’re meeting us at the pool.

  Okay.

  Leonard and Snapper walk past me and out of the room. I grab my robe and follow them. We ride the elevator down and Leonard and Snap get out before me and I go further down and I go to the gift shop and I return the striped Speedo and I find a nice large, normal American bathing suit. I try it on it’s two or three sizes too big. I have to tie it tightly tie it to keep it from falling down. It’s just my size, just the way I like it. I walk to the counter and a woman behind the counter asks for my room key and she charges the bathing suit to my room.

  I go to the elevator, the pool. There are gray marble floors simple white walls. There are simple wooden lounge chairs along a wall and there is a Jacuzzi built into the floor at the far end. It is warm, and the crisp clean smell of chlorine is strong. Leonard is swimming laps in the pool and Snapper is sitting in the Jacuzzi. I walk toward the Jacuzzi. Snapper looks up, speaks.

  Nice suit.

  Thanks.

  Fits nice.

  I laugh, look toward Leonard.

  What’s he doing?

  Swimming back and forth.

  Why’s he doing that?

  He’s been exercising like fucking crazy ever since he got out of the drug place.

  Fuck that.

  That’s what I say. I go with him, but I don’t do it.

  Leonard stops at our end of the pool.

  Nice suit.

  Thanks.

  You coming in?

  No.

  You’re skinny, but you’re in bad shape. You should exercise.

  No thanks.

  I’m going to do some more laps.

  Go ahead.

  Leonard turns and starts swimming, back and forth, back and forth. I get into the Jacuzzi it’s hot. I close my eyes and lean back and let the heat soak in it feels good, relaxes me, calms me. When Leonard finishes his laps he gets into the Jacuzzi and me and him and Snapper sit and relax. It feels good.

  When we’ve had enough we get out and we put on our robes white and thick and we go to the restaurant. People stare at us. Most of them are well dressed, some of the men are wearing suits and ties, we are the only ones in robes and bathing suits. We order a huge lunch cheeseburgers and fries and ice cream and we eat and when we’re finished we go back to our rooms. Leonard and Snapper say they have some business they will meet me later. I take a nap. I dream about drinking and drugs. I get fucked-up in th
e dream, fucking blitzed in the dream, I can’t walk or talk, can’t function in any way. When I wake I feel awful, as if the dream was reality. I lie in bed. The last ten days have been a lifetime. I feel awful.

  I get up take a shower watch TV wait. I eat some chips and drink a cola and the chips are tasty and the cola is cold. Leonard comes back tells me to call all of my friends we’re going out for dinner he wants all of them to come. I ask him where we’re going and he gives me the name of a famous steakhouse, says we’re eating at eight o’clock. He says get on the fucking horn, my son, call your fucking friends, we’re going to have some fun. I laugh and he leaves.

  I pick up the phone, start making calls. I ask my friends to dinner they can all come. Kevin says our friend Danny is in town I say bring him along. I put on my boots walk to Leonard’s room knock on the door. He answers he is wearing a black suit it looks expensive. I laugh, look at my clothes. Worn khakis, a black wool sweater, scuffed black combat boots. I look back at Leonard.

  They going to let me in like this?

  Hah!

  I laugh.

  What’s that mean?

  That means Hah!

  Yeah, what’s Hah mean?

  Hah means of course they’re going to let you in. You’re with me.

  You sure?

  Yeah, I’m fucking sure.

  He steps out of the room, closes the door, starts walking toward the elevator.

  Where’s Snap?

  He stops, turns around.

  Snap’s not coming.

  Why?

  He’s just not.

  Understood.

  I start walking toward the elevator, know that there are things with Leonard that I should not question. He pushes the button and the elevator arrives and we go down walk through the lobby leave the hotel go outside. It’s dark. It’s cold. The wind. We start walking.

  Five minutes later we’re at the steakhouse. We walk through a set of large, unmarked oak doors. It’s dark, the walls are wood, the carpet thick. It smells strongly of steak and cigars. I take a deep breath, we walk through a short hall to a reception stand. There is a man in a tuxedo behind the stand he steps around and greets Leonard calls him Sir and shakes his hand. Leonard introduces the man to me and we shake hands and the man says pleasure to meet you, Sir, which makes me laugh.

  We are early, so the man leads us through the dining room to the bar. The dining room is large and open, candles on every table, white linens and silver, patrons in suit and tie, skirt and stocking. The bar is in a separate smaller room. It is large and oak runs the length of a wall. There are stools in front of it, there are small tables and low cushioned chairs spread through the rest of the room. Leonard shakes the man’s hand and says thank you, the man bows and says my pleasure, Sir. We sit down at a table, the man leaves. Leonard reaches into the inside pocket of his suit-coat and removes two cigars. He offers one to me.