My Friend Leonard Page 22
The casino always wins.
He nods.
Yeah, the casino always wins. Goddamn sons of bitches. They should let me always win.
I laugh, he smiles. He turns back toward the entrance.
You ready.
Yeah, I’m ready.
We walk to the entrance, step into a huge revolving door it is silent between the swinging panes, for a second or two it’s beautiful, light and silent. I step out of the door into the lobby, into flashing lights into noise from slot machines into music into laughing and cheering into the blast of air conditioning into plush carpeting into thirty foot ceilings into madness.
Cassius looks around appears slightly confused, Leonard steps in behind us walks toward the reception desk we follow him. He arrives at the desk asks for someone. The woman asks for his name he gives it to her she makes a call. Thirty seconds later a man in a suit steps out of an office behind the desk greets Leonard, shakes his hand, the man says it’s great to see you again, how can I help you? Leonard tells him he’d like to stay for the night the man asks if anyone will be with him Leonard says we’ll be three. Man asks if we have any bags Leonard says no we’ll be purchasing whatever we need the man says excellent, let me know if I can help in any way. Leonard says please order a large porterhouse steak cooked well and a bowl of water and have them sent to our room immediately. The man looks at Cassius and laughs, says of course and steps to the desk, speaks with one of his coworkers. Snapper joins us, the man steps away from the desk, says follow me.
We go to an elevator. We ride to the top floor we need a key to open the elevator door. We step into a hall, a long hall with thick carpet, low lights, subtle neutral paint and two doors, one on each side of the hall just two doors. The man leads us to one of the doors opens it holds the door we go into the room.
It is not a room, not a suite, not an apartment. It is a mansion in the sky a beautiful series of rooms, bedrooms dining room living room multimedia room den kitchen bar sitting room. There are windows in every room offering views of the Strip of Vegas of the desert, the furniture looks like it belongs in a museum, the carpet is soft and thick, the drapes long and thick, the glasses at the bar crystal the refrigerators stocked. The man gives a brief tour gives us a card tells us to please call him if he can do anything for us he leaves. I let Cassius off his leash he starts running around smelling things. I look at Leonard.
This is incredible.
It’s not bad.
What’s something like this go for?
It doesn’t.
It’s free?
Yup.
You pay nothing?
Doubt anyone who’s stayed here has paid for it.
Suite for high rollers?
High rollers, VIPs and people like me.
You’re not a high roller or a VIP?
I’m something else, something that exists here but isn’t often acknowledged to exist.
International superstar?
He laughs.
More like someone you don’t want to piss off.
I laugh.
Are we expected to spend a bunch of money in the casino?
They’re going to take care of us, and provide us with whatever we want, regardless of how much money we blow in the casino.
Whatever we want?
Leonard smiles.
Yeah, and you can get exotic in your requests if you would like.
How exotic?
As exotic as you can imagine.
I laugh again. Snapper walks into the room says he’s hungry. Leonard asks if I’m hungry I say yes he asks if we want to eat in the room or in a restaurant. We decide to go to a restaurant. We wait for Cassius’ steak. When it arrives I cut it into small pieces he eats it in about two seconds. I give him the bone he takes it runs around the room a couple of times jumps onto a couch starts chewing, he looks happy, like he’ll be occupied for hours. We leave the room, take the elevator back downstairs, walk around, try to decide where we are going to eat, there are about twenty different restaurants. We go to a steakhouse. Snapper and I both have huge slabs of prime rib with spinach and hash browns, Leonard has a salad. After dinner we go to the casino Leonard wants to shoot craps. I have no idea how to do it Leonard tries to explain I say don’t worry about it, just give me the dice and let me throw. He laughs hands me the dice I start to throw and my oh my do I fucking throw. Leonard handles the betting and we win again and again we start to accumulate a large stack of chips and a crowd around our table. With each throw the crowd either cheers or groans and we get many more cheers I keep throwing throwing we keep accumulating I have no idea how much we have at least ten times what we started with. We look at the pile and laugh. Leonard says you’re my good luck charm, my son, let’s quit while we’re ahead.
We quit, cash out the chips, we have over ten thousand dollars in fifties and hundreds. Leonard asks me if I’m okay with money I say yeah, I’m doing well he says if you don’t need it, let’s give it away. We leave the casino walk out to the Strip.
We walk, look, we give a thousand dollars to an elderly couple, we give a thousand to a couple who just got married. We find some homeless men they’re drunk we give them a few hundred dollars each. We see a family their car is broken-down we give them a couple thousand. We hand out money to whoever we see that looks like they’re down, depressed, who looks like a few bucks will make them happier. Some of the people are thrilled thank us can’t believe their luck, some of them don’t want the money think we want something in exchange, some of them take it and quietly walk away. When we have a thousand or so left Leonard says we’re keeping the rest for later we’re going to need some throwaway money. I ask him why he says there’s big fun coming, my son, big-ass motherfucking fun.
We walk back to the hotel, Snapper is having a drink with his girlfriend, Leonard wants to join them. I say let’s give them some privacy, he says no, they’re expecting us. We walk to a small quiet bar. Aside from the rooms it is probably the only quiet space in this entire complex. Snapper is sitting at a table for four with a small blond woman. They stand as we enter, Leonard speaks.
Look at Olivia, the most beautiful girl in the world.
The blond woman smiles it is a shy smile. Leonard gives her a hug they separate.
Olivia, this is my son James. James, this is Olivia, the most beautiful girl in the world.
She smiles again the same smile. She’s short thin has dark brown eyes sandy blond hair. Her hands are soft, her nails immaculate, she wears a black skirt and a black blouse, she’s beautiful in a simple natural way as if her beauty is something that she doesn’t think about or let worry her. We shake hands, say hello, sit down. She looks at me speaks.
Dominic has told me a lot about you.
Dominic?
Snapper speaks.
She doesn’t like my professional name.
I laugh.
I don’t blame her.
She smiles.
Are you having fun in Vegas?
Yeah, I am.
You have good guides.
I laugh again.
Yeah, I do.
We sit talk laugh. Olivia is from Albuquerque, where her parents, Italian immigrants, opened a pizza parlor. She grew up working in the parlor, put herself through school, got her job in the casino when she graduated, has been there for six years. I ask her how she met Dominic she says she has a dog, a big, sweet, dumb as dirt Newfoundland who got off his leash one day and started wandering around her neighborhood. Dominic found him and brought him home. She says he seemed shy and nervous and sweet, and she thought he was handsome so she asked him out. They went to dinner and a movie that night. She took him to a romantic chickflick to see if he could deal with it and he laughed when he was supposed to laugh and clapped at the end. They had coffee afterwards, and when he took her home at the end of the night, Dominic didn’t try to kiss her. She hoped he would ask her out again or ask for her numbe
r, but it didn’t happen, and she went to sleep disappointed. The next day, when she got home from work, there was an envelope at her door. Inside the envelope, on a piece of handmade paper, someone had carefully transcribed a poem by Emily Dickinson called It’s all I have to bring to-day, and beneath the poem there was a phone number. She called the number and Dominic answered and, she smiles and says, we’ve been together ever since. At the end of the story Leonard laughs, looks at Snapper, speaks.
You still remember the poem, Dominic?
Of course I do.
Recite it for James.
No way.
Come on.
Only for Olivia.
When did that become policy?
Olivia looks at Leonard, speaks.
When I said so.
Leonard laughs.
Since when are you the boss?
When he’s with you, you’re the boss. When he’s with me, I’m the boss.
What about when he’s with both of us?
Olivia smiles.
We both know the answer to that one, Leonard.
Everyone laughs, Olivia smiles and nods, holds her hands over her head like she’s a champion. We finish our drinks. Olivia says she needs to go home, Snapper asks Leonard if we’re okay without him for the night. Leonard says yeah, we’re fine, everyone stands Olivia hugs Leonard and me, she and Snapper leave. Leonard looks at me, speaks.
You tired?
What time is it?
Time doesn’t matter here. You sleep when you’re tired, not when a clock tells you you should sleep.
Is there anything else to do?
A friend of mine owns a strip club. I kept that dough so you could live in lapdance heaven for a couple hours.
You gonna join me?
I’m not much of a lapdance man.
I would have thought you liked them.
Nope.
Fuck it then.
You sure?
Lapdances are fun when your buddy’s sitting next to you and everyone’s laughing. There’s something dark and sad about them when you’re there alone hoping for something you’re not gonna get.
Leonard laughs.
I could arrange that you get it.
That’s dark and sad too.
He laughs again.
So what do you want to do?
Is there anything I’ve missed?
Is there anything you haven’t seen that you want to see?
No.
We could go see a Sinatra imitator, or we could go to an all-night, all-you-can-eat buffet.
I’m good.
What do you want to do with the last thousand?
I don’t care.
Let’s put it on red or black and go to sleep.
Red.
Fine with me.
We go back to the casino bet red win bet red win we leave with four grand. We go back to the suite. Cassius is sleeping on the couch the bone is resting next to his sizable head. I wake him up we thank Leonard for a great night, a ridiculous night, we thank him. We go to our room the bed is huge the sheets are soft we go to sleep.
Cassius and I go home back to our little house in the hills. I spend my time in front of a computer, he spends his time in front of the TV. We go for walks three times a day, once in the morning, once in the afternoon, once at night. I eat most of my meals at home, I rarely go out with my friends. I read for three or four hours before I go to bed.
I have a good life, a simple life, for the first time in my life I’m happy and secure and stable. My Fury, which has shaped most of the twenty-five years of my life has faded without the fuel of drugs and alcohol, has faded as I have learned not to hate myself. Part of me is humbled by this life, this beautiful life. Another part of me feels incredibly fortunate. Part of me is waiting to fuck it up somehow, waiting to make some dumbass decision that destroys it, waiting for it to end. Part of me feels like it isn’t complete without Lilly, this is what she and I dreamed of having together.
Sometimes I pretend she’s here with me. I talk to an empty chair across the table, I wrap my arms around nothingness and tell her I love her. I tell her I’ll be home in a little while when I leave, I tell her I’m tired and want to go to bed at the end of a long day. Even without her I have all I need, my little house, my big funny dog, my legally earned money, my time, my own time, my own precious time to do whatever I want to do. I have simple things, a simple life, all I need.
Leonard goes east for his annual attempt at a tee-time on the golf course where his father worked.
I see a drunk movie star drive his Porsche into a tree going ten miles an hour. He gets out of the car and starts kicking the door starts screaming nobody understands, nobody understands.
Cassius becomes friends with a squirrel who lives in a tree above our yard. He sits and watches the squirrel jump from limb to limb, watches him collect acorns, watches him chatter and squeak, he spends hours watching the squirrel. I think Cassius is lonely.
I see a famous young actress, a shockingly beautiful young actress, gorging at a fast food restaurant, she disappears into the bathroom after eating six cheeseburgers.
I finish another script I like it.
I see a famous director throw an omelet at a waitress while screaming onions aren’t mushrooms, onions aren’t fucking mushrooms. The waitress walks away with egg in her hair, on her neck, on her shirt, tears in her eyes her hands are shaking. A minute or two later the manager of the restaurant walks over and apologizes to the director says the meal’s on us please tell me what else I can get for you.
My friend Danny calls from Chicago tells me he hates his job, wants to do something new. I tell him to come to Los Angeles, it’s the land of opportunity. He says what would I do, I say let’s raise some money and we’ll make a movie. He says that’s crazy, I say it’s crazier staying in a job you hate, he says you’re right, I’m coming to Los Angeles.
Cassius and I are at the veterinarian’s office. Cassius is having a regular semi-annual check-up. The vet asks me if I would ever consider having another dog, I look at Cassius, ask him he wags his tail says yes, Daddy, yes, Daddy, let’s get another dog, please Daddy, yes. The vet says she has a young female pitbull that she found in a box behind a convenience store. I say bring her out, the vet leaves comes back two minutes later with a small, brindle pitbull her ears are sticking up her tail is wagging. Cassius licks her, they start jumping around barking and yelping. I ask the vet if she has a name the vet tells me she calls the little dog Bella. I say welcome to the family, Bella, I’m your new Dad, the big boy is your new brother.
Agirl I know from school calls me asks me if I want to have dinner I say yeah, sure, I’ll have dinner. Her name is Conner she’s six foot two she likes a nice, strong cocktail and she likes to laugh. I ask her where we’re going she tells me it’s a bar that serves decent food in an outdoor courtyard. I ask her if anyone is coming with us she asks me if I remember her friend Allison. I ask if it’s Allison skinny Allison and she laughs and says yes, that’s her and I say yeah, I remember Allison. I ask her what time she says eight.
I work all day take a shower get dressed. I think about Skinny Allison on and off. She was tall, as tall as I am. She had long dark blond hair, olive skin. The first time I saw her she was eighteen, but looked fourteen, and in the two years we were at school together, she never aged. She was thin, long thin, delicate thin, fragile thin, thin like a runway model, thin the type that food wouldn’t affect, thin that was somehow natural for her, as if her body would gain weight as she got older. I saw her occasionally she was usually with Conner we never spoke. I never tried to speak to her because I knew she wanted nothing to do with me. She was from a nice, traditional Southern family, she did well in school. I imagined she would find a handsome, successful, stable man and live in a big house and have a beautiful family.
Cassius and Bella are sitting on the couch. I stop say goodbye to them they wag their tails and look up at me. If they could talk they’d say go on and leave, Daddy, w
e’re going to have fun tonight without you, maybe we’ll eat a pillow or chew our bones or try to catch squirrels or watch TV, go on, Daddy, leave. I give them hugs walk out to my truck drive down the hill to the bar.
I walk into the bar look around. I see Conner sitting at a table. I walk toward the table Allison is sitting next to Conner they stand as I approach them. I hesitate as I walk, blink a couple of times, try to keep my jaw from dropping, my knees from buckling, my eyes from popping out. Allison is not skinny Allison anymore. She’s still thin but her body has filled out, there are curves beautiful curves. Her hair is longer, more blond. She’s wearing light blue leather pants a white t-shirt. She’s no longer a girl she’s become a woman, a gorgeous, voluptuous woman. Men all over the bar are staring at her. I’m staring at her. I stop at the table speak.
Hi.
Conner speaks.
Hi. You remember Allison?
I look at Allison.
Hi.
She speaks.
Hi.
Long time.
Yeah.
How you been?
Great. You?
I laugh.
Been a long couple of years.
She nods.
So I’ve heard.
We sit, they’re both drinking white wine, I order a nice cold cola. I talk to Allison ask her about her life. She’s been living in Vail for the last two years, teaching skiing and working in an art gallery. She loves Vail, but wants to move, feels like two years in a ski town is long enough, that it’s time to become an adult. I ask her where she wants to go, she says she isn’t sure, maybe San Francisco maybe Santa Fe maybe Washington DC. I ask her what she wants to do, she says she needs to figure it out, maybe teach, maybe try to be a painter, maybe go back to school for landscape architecture. She asks me about my life I say it’s good, never been better. She asks if it’s true I got locked-up I tell her yes. She asks what I’m doing in Los Angeles I tell her, she asks if I like Los Angeles I say more and more every day. I ask her why it’s not on her list of potential residences, she says she just can’t imagine living here.
We order dinner they get salads I get a big fat fucking cheeseburger. We keep talking I ask about painting why she does it, she says she does it because when she is actually painting she forgets about the rest of the world, forgets about problems and insecurities, about failures and an uncertain future, about everything she just loses herself and paints. I ask who she paints like, she says she tries to paint like herself. I ask her who she likes, she says Matisse and van Gogh. I ask her why she says because Matisse paints beautifully and van Gogh paints painfully.